Welcome From Howard

Featured

Welcome to my website! I hope you will find inspiration, hope and healing here! I have devoted my career and my life to helping others, and I hope in the words, articles, interviews and links provided here, you will find help for yourself too. What I know to be true is that healing from sexual victimization, no matter what age it started or ended, is absolutely possible and achievable!

The pictures on these pages represent some of my favorite views from the beautiful places where we have hosted MaleSurvivor Weekends of Recovery.  I hope to meet some of you at a future Weekend!

Sign up now for Free Webinar and Be Eligible for FREE GIFTS

Take Your Power Back Summit –Free webinar
Hear 20 of the country’s leading experts on healing from sexual trauma
I’ll be featured with Svava Brooks May 13-15, 2015
Sign up now at takeyourpowerbacksummit.com

By registering for the webinar, you are now also eligible to receive a $25 discount on any registration for the MaleSurvivor Level One Weekends in 2015.
Go to www.malesurvivor.org, and when you register, use the code WEBINAR,
and you’ll see a discount taken off your total price of the Weekend of Recovery.

To receive free shipping (anywhere in the continental US) on a signed copy of my book, email me at hfradkin@malesurvivor.org; provide me your name and address and phone number, and any request for an inscription. I’ll contact you in person to get your credit card information.
Cost per copy is $15, which is a 50% discount, and I’ll donate $3 to MaleSurvivor so you’ll be helping our organization with our mission as well.

Take Your Power Back Summit–free webinar & FREE GIFTS

When: View in Calendar » April 29, 2015 @ 10:30 pm - 11:30 pm

Take Your Power Back Summit –Free webinar
Hear 20 of the country’s leading experts on healing from sexual trauma
I’ll be featured with Svava Brooks May 13-15, 2015
Sign up now at takeyourpowerbacksummit.com

By registering for the webinar, you are now also eligible to receive a $25 discount on any registration for the MaleSurvivor Level One Weekends in 2015.
Go to www.malesurvivor.org, and when you register, use the code WEBINAR,
and you’ll see a discount taken off your total price of the Weekend of Recovery.

To receive free shipping (anywhere in the continental US) on a signed copy of my book, email me at hfradkin@malesurvivor.org; provide me your name and address and phone number, and any request for an inscription. I’ll contact you in person to get your credit card information.
Cost per copy is $15, which is a 50% discount, and I’ll donate $3 to MaleSurvivor so you’ll be helping our organization with our mission as well.

Another important article on stopping the myth of men are “lucky” to be abused by women

Another important article:

The Sexual Abuse of Boys is not about getting “lucky” & We Need to Stop Promoting This Myth  (The Good men Project)

http://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/sexual-abuse-boys-getting-lucky-media-needs-stop-promoting-myth-hesaid/?utm_source=Tuesday+Oct+7+2014&utm_campaign=Constant+Contact+Oct+7%2C+2014&utm_medium=email

Re-Creations Quarterly Featuring Howard Fradkin as Special Guest

 

About


Re – Creations Quarterly

You are free to create or re-create yourself, your life, your destiny

Fall Edition          Volume II Issue II

 

 


Re – Creations was founded by Elaine Crocker, whose mission is to partner with victims & survivors of sexual abuse as we make the journey towards healing and reclaiming the power that was stolen from us.

 

We will provide an inspirational weekly radio show and motivational speaking & writing.

 

Our goal is to create a life of not only surviving but thriving. To be inspired to freely & fully live, truly love, and willingly forgive. Together we will develop the courage to chip away at the guilt, and shame that has burdened and broken us. We’ll encourage one another to pick up the pieces and dare to become whole.

 

Connect recreatonsent@gmail.com conquering1961@yahoo.com

Blogtalkradio.com/experience

-strength-hope-ecrocker

 

www.facebook.com/ elaine.crockerbey

 

twitter.com/ECrockerBey

 

In this issue:

Guest Spotlight            1

Events            2

Articles Invisible Dance It’s On Us

Events cont’d            3

Resource Corner


 

 

I was excited and honored to have Dr. Howard Fradkin, Ph.D., LICDC- CS as a guest on my radio show Experience Strength Hope, Survive and  Thrive . I remembered Howard and I’m sure many of you do also from seeing him speak as an expert on the Oprah Winfrey show in November of 2010 featuring 200 male survivors of sexual abuse. There he was sitting between Oprah and Tyler Perry sharing his own personal experience as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and adult rape but offering his expert

insight, hope and inspiration for the survivors on the show but also the millions around the world.

Howard has counseled over 1500 male survivors in individual, couples, group psychotherapy and weekend workshops over the course of his 32-year career as a Psychologist, and trained over 2500 professional colleagues on male sexual victimization. He is Co-Chairperson of the MaleSurvivor Weekends of Recovery, http://malesurvivor.org/ where he has co-directed nearly 60 Weekends of Recovery since 2001 for over 1000 men (see my events section for upcoming weekend dates).

Howard’s first book, Joining Forces: Empowering Male Survivors to Thrive, Amazon.com was published November, 2012. It is an inspirational book written to empower male survivors of sexual abuse and assault at any age to develop skills they can use to overcome the effects of their trauma and learn to thrive in their lives. Howard says “Throughout the book, I have incorporated the stories and the wisdom of a group of alumni of our weekends program, who I call the “Silence Breakers”.”

Howard founded Affirmations: A Center for Psychotherapy and Growth, Affirmations in Columbus, OH in 1984, where he and staff provide psychotherapy in the areas of trauma recovery for men and women survivors, those struggling with depression and anxiety, alcoholism, drug addiction and sex addiction, sexual orientation confusion and acceptance, people with HIV and AIDS, and group psychotherapy. He now serves as Partner Emeritus at Affirmations.

Howard attributes his healing to excellent psychotherapy, alternative healers, an akido master, and much love and support from friends and colleagues. He shared with me these 5 key motivational messages for male survivors but I believe survivors in general can also benefit: “Survivors can become strong and sensitive men, capable of connecting with others emotionally, physically, spiritually, romantically, and sexually; Healing from sexual abuse necessitates learning how to feel  safe enough inside and how to identify safe people who can provide the support every survivor needs and deserves; Healing from sexual abuse requires survivors to refuse to isolate, and instead to join forces with other male survivors and professionals who can help them feel safe enough to disclose abuse secrets and find support; Perpetrators of abuse and non-protectors teach survivors

to believe there is something very shameful and wrong about themselves. Male survivors can heal by learning to be disloyal to the dysfunctional messages they learned and by substituting loyalty to functionality; It is absolutely possible to achieve the ability to thrive as a male survivor: it takes practice, perseverance and support.”

I am inspired and hopeful because Howard is a living example of a journey of surviving and thriving, going on in spite of some very traumatic events, and becoming his best self.

 

 

To connect with Howard directly you may email him at hfradkin@malesurvivor.org.

 

 

 

 

1

 

You are free to create or re-create yourself, your life, your destiny

 

 

 

Events

 

Oct 9, Adult Survivors of Child Abuse Support Meeting 2nd Thurs each month, 6p-8p PT

http://rachelgrantcoaching.com/ media/ASCA-meeting-info1.pdf Oct 13, Shake Off the Shame: How to Let Go of Self- Judgment and Self-Blame, free teleseminar, @ 6p PT,  www.rachelgrantcoaching.com/

shakeoffshame

Oct 14, Beyond Surviving Radio; Conversations That Heal 2nd Tues each month,

6pm-7pm PT

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ conversationsthatheal

Oct 17-19, Male Survivor Weekends of Recovery, Hope Springs Retreat Center,

Peebles, OH malesurvivor.org/

Oct 31-Nov 2, 14th International Male Survivor Conference for professionals, survivors and allies Newark, NJ malesurvivor.org/

 

Coming in Oct, The Journey of Tina Journal 5 (journey of healing from sexual abuse)  www.friesenpress.com

 

Nov 9th, Ask a Sex Abuse Survivor one man showThe Adrienne Theatre Philadelphia, PA http:// sexabusesurvivor.com/

 

Upcoming Events for Sexual Assault Awareness Month

Apr 15, Adult Survivors Of Childhood Sexual Abuse: A Time To Heal conference Des Moines, Iowa rosennab@yahoo.com

 

Apr 18, Love Never Fails Conference, Richmond, VA  www.surroundedbyfaith.org


Fall Edition Volume II Issue II

 

 

Invisible Dance, Raising Your Voice Against Sexual Violence

 

On September 26 I went to a screening of Invisible Dance by Caylee So. It’s a really beautiful film using a Cambodian Dance as symbolism. The film is not complete yet but keep an eye out for it, I think you’ll like it. Also at the screening was a panel of 5 speakers 3

of whom were survivors. They bravely shared their stories and

answered audience questions. I don’t often have the opportunity to meet survivors who have gone through the legal process to convict their perpetrators so it

was interesting to hear what they went through. Eliina worked with her local police dept and the FBI to aid in the arrest of her attacker. It took 3 long and hard years to get to court where she finally testified and he was convicted. Julianna was sexually abused by her step-father and when she was finally able to leave that home she recognized that her little sister was left behind with him. Because of this she pressed charges against him. To hear them tell about being told they would not win their cases, and encouraged to “look and act like a victim”, I thought omg this really happens, I’ve heard it and seen it on t.v. but they experienced it. It sounded like a double edged sword; they were brave and courageous enough to press charges and testify but it also held them back a bit from healing. It was sometime since they had been abused and they wanted to heal and go on with their lives but could not because they had to come across like a “victim” in court. I can’t imagine what this was like but I commend them for their follow-through, strength and tenacity.

 

 

White House Launches “It’s On Us”

September 19,2014, President Obama launched It’s On Us, a campaign to reduce rape on college campuses. To survivors of campus sexual assault, President Obama said, “It’s not on you; this is not your fight alone. This is on all of us, every one of us, to fight campus sexual assault. You are not alone, and we have your back.” Scott Berkowitz, RAINN’ s president said “One of the most effective ways to prevent rape is to mobilize men and women on campus to join together in stopping perpetrators before they can commit a crime. RAINN has joined the It’s On Us campaign as a partner to help bring attention to the important role that students play in keeping their friends safe and in preventing rape on campus.” Among the advice that RAINN offers college students: If you see a situation that doesn’t feel right, find a non-confrontational way to step in. Try redirecting the conversation, or suggesting your friend join you outside.

College men and women are also key in lending support to peers who have been impacted by rape or sexual assault. “We need to make sure that if someone’s friend is sexually assaulted, students know how to support him or her, and ensure that they have access to the help they deserve through the National Sexual Assault Hotline and local resources,” said Berkowitz.

 

 

 

Events—cont’d

 

 

 

 

Tina Journey “The Art Series “continues to be shown in New York: https:// thejourneyoftina.see.me/

 

Annie O’Sullivan blogtalkradio  http://www.blogtalkradio.com/  can-you-hear-me-now-annie-  osullivan Tuesdays 6:30pm Pacific

 

Jori Nunes author of Chocolate Flowers: A Twisted Tale that Deserves to be Told—purchase on Amazon

 

Eric Ramsey writes film: Unspeakable Indiscretions  https://www.facebook.com/  eric.b.ramsey.1


You are free to create or re-create yourself, your life, your destiny

Fall Edition       Resource Center      Volume II Issue II

 

 

Taken from Darkness to Light—What is Child Sexual Abuse?

  • Any sexual act between an adult and a minor or between two minors when one exerts power over the other.
  • Forcing, coercing or persuading a child to engage in any type of sexual act. It also includes non- contact acts such as exhibitionism, exposure to pornography, voyeurism, and communicating in a sexual manner by phone or Internet.
  • An agonizing and traumatic experience for its victims.
  • A crime punishable by law.

 

 

Personal empowerment helps provide adults with the capacity and momentum to take action against child sexual abuse. With personal empowerment, we can make choices, take risks, and support each other -

Making Choices

We have the ability – both in our organizations and in our families – to make proactive choices that protect children and keep them safe from sexual abuse. If we want our children to be happy and healthy, we have to make choices which support that goal.

Taking Risks

Choices often involve some personal risk that takes us outside our comfort zones – like talking to children about sexual boundaries, redirecting an adult who’s crossing boundaries, or making an actual report. Sometimes we have to take risks, even if we are uncertain or don’t know the outcome, to make sure a child is protected.

Supporting Each Other

When children take their first steps, ride their first bikes, or climb into the driver’s seat for the first time, there is usually someone beside them providing guidance and support. It’s easier to take big steps when you know you have someone on your side, ready to lend a hand if you need it. As communities, as organizations, and as individuals, we can give support to others’ efforts to prevent child sexual abuse, and we can ask for support when we need it.

 

 

5 Steps to Protecting Our Children

 

 

1. Learn the Facts  
2. Minimize Opportunity  
3. Talk About It  
4. Recognize the Signs  
5. React Responsibly  
    Download the 5 Steps Booklet

 

New interviews with NY Times Columnist Charles Blow

 

Charles Blow was interviewed today on Huff Post Live about his new memoir, Fire Shut Up in My Bones…thank you Charles for your willingness to courageously share the abuse done to you, your struggles as an African-American man to overcome our society’s significant blocks to men being free to be themselves including being free to be fluid in our sexuality and sexual orientation, and your struggles with depression, suicidality and rage.

And also interviewed on NPR Morning Edition

http://www.npr.org/2014/10/02/353177247/charles-blow-s-memoir-reveals-incidents-of-sexual-abuse-and-violence

 

I look forward to reading your book!

huff.lv/1rpu7z2!

Great new article on Why are we indifferent to male rape victims?

http://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/andrew-smiler-why-are-we-indifferent-to-male-rape-victims/?utm_source=Wed+Sept+24+2014&utm_campaign=Constant+Contact+Sept+24%2C+2014&utm_medium=email

This is an excellent article that covers many of the points I make in Joining Forces regarding the problems men face in being able to publicly admit they have been abused/raped.  The author is right: We as a society must do better to acknowledge that men and women get sexually victimized, raped, and violated…and by men and by women offenders.

Why it is never okay to hit a child…

Dear Friends and Colleagues,
I wanted to share the following that was just published today on the Good Men Project. I hope it may be helpful to anyone who finds themselves with an opportunity to talk about child abuse in the wake of the Adrian Peterson arrest last week.  Please feel free to comment and share widely.
Many thanks as always for all that you do.

When discussing child abuse people are often quick to agree that it’s wrong. But it is also important to make sure we explain why physically striking a child is simply, fundamentally, and ethically wrong. That is not something I have heard very often in the public comments by other athletes and NFL officials. It is also important to recognize that raising attention to child abuse in this way does not detract from the important and necessary discussions that continue to happen with regards to domestic violence and the issues brought up by the Ray Rice suspension. Most forms of interpersonal violence have their root in trauma to one degree or another, and by talking about one form of IPV, we necessarily bring up issues connected to many others.

If you find yourself being challenged and want to say more about WHY is it never OK to hit a child, here are three significant reasons that we need to make sure get addressed:
___
1. Hitting children disrupts the natural and necessary attachment process between child and caregiver.
2. Hitting children causes a child to see themselves as powerless, which can be extremely traumatizing in ways that can impact their development significantly.
3. Children who are physically abused are far more likely to be sexually abused, and to experience other forms of maltreatment.
<550127EA-9919-45C4-9DA3-B4E3ECBFC49A[84].png>
Christopher M. Anderson
Executive Director
@malesurvivorORG on Twitter
 
Help raise awareness of sexual abuse watch the
#icebathchallenge - https://t.co/oJdMlRPR1q
 
MaleSurvivor’s 14th Int’l Conference 10/31-11/2
Evolution: From Hurting to Healing; 

Best Clinical Practices for Adult Male Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse

http://www.thepermanentejournal.org/issues/2014/summer/5710-clinical-practices.html

Very important new article for health care practitioners, as well as male survivors about best practices when you go to the doctors.

The Permanente Journal has just published the  article co-authored by Chris Anderson, Executive Director of MaleSurvivor, along with his friends and colleagues Les Gallo-Silver MSW, LCSW-R and Jaime Romo, Ed.D. The title is “Best Clinical Practices for Male Adult Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse: “Do No Harm”

 

Men Are Raped Almost as Often as Women in America. We Need to Talk About This.

Men Are Raped Almost as Often as Women in America. We Need to Talk About This.

When Men Are Raped
A new study reveals that men are often the victims of sexual assault, and women are often the perpetrators.

By Hanna Rosin

For some kinds of sexual victimization, men and women have roughly equal experiences

Last year the National Crime Victimization Survey turned up a remarkable statistic. In asking 40,000 households about rape and sexual violence, the survey uncovered that 38 percent of incidents were against men. The number seemed so high that it prompted researcher Lara Stemple to call the Bureau of Justice Statistics to see if it maybe it had made a mistake, or changed its terminology. After all, in years past men had accounted for somewhere between 5 and 14 percent of rape and sexual violence victims. But no, it wasn’t a mistake, officials told her, although they couldn’t explain the rise beyond guessing that maybe it had something to do with the publicity surrounding former football coach Jerry Sandusky and the Penn State sex abuse scandal.
Hanna Rosin Hanna

Stemple, who works with the Health and Human Rights Project at UCLA, had often wondered whether incidents of sexual violence against men were under-reported. She had once worked on prison reform and knew that jail is a place where sexual violence against men is routine but not counted in the general national statistics. Stemple began digging through existing surveys and discovered that her hunch was correct. The experience of men and women is “a lot closer than any of us would expect,” she says. For some kinds of victimization, men and women have roughly equal experiences. Stemple concluded that we need to “completely rethink our assumptions about sexual victimization,” and especially our fallback model that men are always the perpetrators and women the victims.

Sexual assault is a term that gets refracted through the culture wars, as Slate’s own Emily Bazelon explained in a story about the terminology of rape. Feminists claimed the more legalistic term of sexual assault to put it squarely in the camp of violent crime. Bazelon argues in her story for reclaiming the term rape because of its harsh unflinching sound and its nonlegalistic shock value. But she also allows that rape does not help us grasp crimes outside our limited imagination, particularly crimes against men. She quotes a painful passage from screenwriter and novelist Rafael Yglesias, which is precisely the kind of crime Stemple worries is too foreign and uncomfortable to contemplate.
Advertisement

    I used to say, when some part of me was still ashamed of what had been done to me, that I was “molested” because the man who played skillfully with my 8-year-old penis, who put it in his mouth, who put his lips on mine and tried to push his tongue in as deep as it would go, did not anally rape me. … Instead of delineating what he had done, I chose “molestation” hoping that would convey what had happened to me.

    Of course it doesn’t. For listeners to appreciate and understand what I had endured, I needed to risk that they will gag or rush out of the room. I needed to be particular and clear as to the details so that when I say I was raped people will understand what I truly mean.

For years, the FBI defined forcible rape, for data collecting purposes, as “the carnal knowledge of a female forcibly and against her will.” Eventually localities began to rebel against that limited gender-bound definition; in 2010 Chicago reported 86,767 cases of rape but used its own broader definition, so the FBI left out the Chicago stats. Finally, in 2012, the FBI revised its definition and focused on penetration, with no mention of female (or force).

Data hasn’t been calculated under the new FBI definition yet, but Stemple parses several other national surveys in her new paper, “The Sexual Victimization of Men in America: New Data Challenge Old Assumptions,” co-written with Ilan Meyer and published in the April 17 edition of the American Journal of Public Health. One of those surveys is the 2010 National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, for which the Centers for Disease Control invented a category of sexual violence called “being made to penetrate.” This definition includes victims who were forced to penetrate someone else with their own body parts, either by physical force or coercion, or when the victim was drunk or high or otherwise unable to consent. When those cases were taken into account, the rates of nonconsensual sexual contact basically equalized, with 1.270 million women and 1.267 million men claiming to be victims of sexual violence.

“Made to penetrate” is an awkward phrase that hasn’t gotten any traction. It’s also something we instinctively don’t associate with sexual assault. But is it possible our instincts are all wrong here? We might assume, for example, that if a man has an erection he must want sex, especially because we assume men are sexually insatiable. But imagine if the same were said about women. The mere presence of physiological symptoms associated with arousal does not in fact indicate actual arousal, much less willing participation. And the high degree of depression and dysfunction among male victims of sexual abuse backs this up. At the very least, the phrase remedies an obvious injustice. Under the old FBI definition, what happened to Rafael Yglesias would only have counted as rape if he’d been an 8-year-old girl. Accepting the term “made to penetrate” helps us understand that trauma comes in all forms.

So why are men suddenly showing up as victims? Every comedian has a prison rape joke and prosecutions of sexual crimes against men are still rare. But gender norms are shaking loose in a way that allows men to identify themselves—if the survey is sensitive and specific enough—as vulnerable. A recent analysis of BJS data, for example, turned up that 46 percent of male victims reported a female perpetrator.

The final outrage in Stemple and Meyer’s paper involves inmates, who aren’t counted in the general statistics at all. In the last few years, the BJS did two studies in adult prisons, jails, and juvenile facilities. The surveys were excellent because they afforded lots of privacy and asked questions using very specific, informal, and graphic language. (“Did another inmate use physical force to make you give or receive a blow job?”) Those surveys turned up the opposite of what we generally think is true. Women were more likely to be abused by fellow female inmates, and men by guards, and many of those guards were female. For example, of juveniles reporting staff sexual misconduct, 89 percent were boys reporting abuse by a female staff member. In total, inmates reported an astronomical 900,000 incidents of sexual abuse.

Now the question is, in a climate when politicians and the media are finally paying attention to military and campus sexual assault, should these new findings alter our national conversation about rape? Stemple is a longtime feminist who fully understands that men have historically used sexual violence to subjugate women and that in most countries they still do. As she sees it, feminism has fought long and hard to fight rape myths—that if a woman gets raped it’s somehow her fault, that she welcomed it in some way. But the same conversation needs to happen for men. By portraying sexual violence against men as aberrant, we prevent justice and compound the shame. And the conversation about men doesn’t need to shut down the one about women. “Compassion,” she says, “is not a finite resource.”

http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2014/04/male_rape_in_america_a_new_study_reveals_that_men_are_sexually_assaulted.html